Purged last night…
Didn’t do any purging today though.
Been measuring and I’m terrified of going over a certain number.(It’s s hard to stop measuring)
Impulsively and compulsively body checking.
Took a short walk around the college campus then came home and did some cardio.
I ate fairly okay today,no restricting.
Tomorrow? well…depending on where my mind is I’m not sure.
Had my psychiatrist appointment today. Apparently diuretics and Lithium is a no-no.
Felt okay today. Hoping I can find my photo album with my baby pictures in it..haven’t seen it in ages and I don’t have it at my house. Called my aunt to see if she had it, said she’ll let me know.
Restricted today. Gonna exercise in a bit.
Hating my body as usual.
how things have been..
Got out of the psych hospital yesterday. I went in voluntarily because I was feeling way too bad. I was taken off most of my old medication and put on Lithium. Seems to be going okay.
I restricted today. Purged some yesterday,but when I went to do it later nothing came up. So I guess I can’t throw up like before. Good thing I guess. Using other purging methods though so..not all good.
Flashbacks and intense feelings all day today. Intense feelings now. I want to cry so bad,I want to cut so bad,I want to burn so bad.
Trying to distract my mind..not a simple task.
One day this,one day that.
Not very consistent recovery wise.
Only binged and purged once last week..so that’s good.
Went hiking last Thursday,that was fun. Took some pictures for the creativity group at my therapy program.
Saw my therapist today and that was good too. We always talk about a lot.
Haven’t really eaten today,going to try and eat something I guess.
urges and thoughts
Had the urge to purge but didn’t.
Still hard escaping the eating disorder thoughts,because even though my symptoms have gone down,or away the thoughts still plague me.
It’s these thoughts and voices in my head that keep me wanting to go backwards. It’s such a fight.
Trying to hold it together.
I binged today but I didn’t purge. I’m super bloated right now,I was also bloated yesterday. I’m really hoping the weight I gained is water,because according to the scale I gained 10 pounds in like two days.
Feeling better about recovery at the moment. Haven’t purged since like last month. Still though in the back of my mind wanting to say screw recovery,and go back to losing weight.
It’s weird because now I feel like binging and purging,even though just a few weeks ago I was restricting. eating disorders suck.
Well my birthday was okay had a little fun at least. Had a flashback and an anxiety attack but managed.
All together I’ve lost about 10 pounds. I didn’t eat much today. I just want to be…I don’t know invisible.
Purged at my girlfriends house and almost fainted.
All of this isn’t good I know,honestly I’m just getting tired of fighting it.
But I know I have to.
I still haven’t purged since Monday,mostly because I’ve been restricting more. But it’s still good I haven’t purged I guess. I have the urge to binge/purge now though.
Been having a lot of flashbacks lately. Today’s was really bad.
Feeling like a damaged person. Like I’m an alien,not human,unreal.
Spent the day at my therapy center and hung out with a friend I made there.(one of my best friends)
We’re going to Palm Springs Gay Pride on Sunday as part of the LGBT group. I’m actually excited for something. It sucks it’s going to be cold though. We made our own shirts(iron on transfer).
I got an A on my exam..the first A I got on a test this whole semester,I usually get B’s.
So all in all I had a good day.
I restricted today though. I had like half cup cereal and a chicken sandwich.(about 700 kcals). Didn’t purge today so that’s a good thing I guess.
Some carrots and a pickle that’s all I’ve had today.
I woke up around 2:30pm
Not much else has gone on today.
I just want to disappear right now though.
Watching my favorite show to focus on something else.
Today was okay talked with my friends and went to LGBT group. I was kind of upset I forgot to put on my rainbow bracelet.
Purged today…and definitely restricted.
I have to go to the doctor tomorrow to get a new cast…I’ll be there all day I’m sure.
Feeling pretty hopeful today…better than hopeless.